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It’s the government Jim, but not as we know it…

Over the weekend, we took our car to get its MOT in Switzerland. I never thought such a bureaucratic process could be total nerd heaven, and I had to share.

10 minutes before your allotted time, you roll up to an assigned bay in front of a glass-walled, high-ceilinged building. On arrival, you are welcomed by your technician who shakes your hand with his perfectly clean one.

As you get out, you realise the car is parked on automatic shock absorber testers laid into the ground. The first test is done before you have chance to notice that the process starts exactly at the time printed on your booking form.

Then, automatic glass doors peel open, and the technician drives your car inside to the first testing station. Nozzles and hoses are suspended from the ceiling on electric pulley systems. Equipment to measure headlight angle and emissions are neatly constricted to grooves running along the floor. The entire place is minimalist and spotless, not a single drop of oil or petrol anywhere, no loose tools, no music – just resin concrete floors and glass. The ceiling, if it were in New York, would be lauded by estate agents as an “exposed industrial feature”, but here those colour coded tubes contain a strong air conditioning system that sucks away any fumes.

The technicians swarm over the cars, charming, smiling and speaking five languages. They wear spotless blue labcoats.

At the second testing station your car is hoisted up into the air and is jiggled about quite a bit, while the technician inspects the chassis. You feel guilty for not following advice to wash the car thoroughly, not forgetting to do underneath. You study the technician’s face for any signs of disapproval – if your car is unacceptably dirty, you’ll be asked to make a new appointment.

A final whirl around their track for testing steering and you’re done – about 15 minutes in all. We passed, but only after a stern admonishment about the angle of our left headlight, and a signed undertaking to get it fixed.

I think we all need a little bit more Switzerland in our lives.

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